the 46 stages of Twitter

Couldn’t help but laugh out loud once I read this list by Shannon Nickerson about the 46 stages of Twitter. As a Twitter user myself I read the list and began to realize the truth about it. The majority of Twitter users try to act as thou Twitter is the devils spawn. They turn their noses up at even the mention of a Tweet.

Yes, I am talking about myself BUT!

As I got to step 22 my interest in Twitter began to increase. I began to read what others that I was following were posting and would secretly click on the links offered. However, to keep my stellar image, I told my friends I was too busy with my life to spend countless hours at a computer reading tweets. Yes, I lied to friends, my family and myself and for that I do apologize. However, seeming cool in college is why we are here, right?

I hated on Twitter way too much. Since my account was created in 2009 I have gotten a job, 2 internships, and 4 volunteer opportunities for organizations I care deeply about. The power of Twitter has undoubtely changed the way I use the internet to search for jobs or other career opportunities. Instead of searching the classifieds of a newspaper or the scam-filled pages of craiglist, I can just log onto Twitter and find 10 job postings in a matter of minutes. I feel foolish that I tried to look so cool about Twitter.

Dear Twitter,

I apologize for hating so hard on your majestic tweets. Although I still do not always understand how to re-tweet and reply, I am learning oh master. I promise to spread the news of your wonderfulness to my friends, family and peers. Thank for the opportunities you have given me and continue to give me. You’re da bomb.

Your avid user,

Ayan Jama

1. Hear the word Twitter.  Scoff.
2. Hear it again from someone else.  Scoff again.
3. Hear about famous celebrity who is apparently “On Twitter.”  Scoff, but make mental note to check it out.
4. Log into Facebook to comfort self.
5. Sign up for Twitter.
6. Give up because it seems dumb.
7. Loudly criticize others on Twitter.
8. Follow @johncmayer, @aplusk, @rainnwilson, @wilw, @mrskutcher, @oprah, and one other person you actually know.
9. Post tweet that is a variant of: “Trying out this Twitter thing.”
10. Attempt to dig a little deeper into Twitter.
11. Notice rampant usage of words: “Tweet,” “Twitter,” “Twitterverse,” “Tweetie,” “Tweetdeck,” and something called “RT.”
12. Scoff again, this time in confusion.
13. Tell friends you “tried that Twitter thing, but didn’t get it and it’s stupid anyway.”
14. Log into Facebook because that site at least makes sense.
15. Read story about Twitter somewhere.
16. Log back into Twitter.
17. Try to avoid saying Tweet, Twitter, Twitterverse, Tweetie, Tweetdeck, and ReTweet.
18. Respond to @rainnwilson.
19. Curse self for fanning out.
20. Log off for 4 months.
21. Come back, just to see.
22. Post something relatively funny.
23. Get RT’d.
24. Discover that RT means ReTweet.
25. Make it your life mission to get RT’d.
26. Install Twitter app on your phone.
27. No longer ashamed to say “I’ve gotta Twitter that.”
28. Attend events with the sole intention of “Tweeting” them.
29. Pray to get RT’d.
30. Refresh. Refresh. Refresh. Refresh. Refresh.
31. Close computer.
32. Open computer.  Refresh.  Refresh.  Refresh.
33. Think in 140 character sentences.
34. Compulsively check phone all day every day.
35. Tweet that you compulsively check phone all day every day.
36. Alienate actual people in your life in an attempt to impress ones you don’t know.
37. Lose weight because you forget to eat.
38. Place phone by bed so you can check first thing in the morning.
39. Defend Twitter to the death from detractors.
40. Hear self, and vaguely recognize that you have become “That Guy.”
41. Feel like, and start to behave like River Tam.
42. Vow to quit Twitter to preserve sanity.
43. Read this and change mind.
44. Think to self, “I should twitter that.”
45. Recognize irony.
46. Twitter it.


About Ayan Jama

I am a University of Oregon graduate with a BA in Journalism with a focus in Magazine and Public Relations. I enjoy foreign movies, white chocolate, shoes, and friends & family.
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